Nobody starts college without going through freshman orientation and getting a student handbook. But anyone can move up north from Florida and dive straight into a North Country winter with no preparation whatsoever. What could possibly go wrong?
A Newcomer’s Guide to North Country Winter
It’s Darwin pure and simple: walking across thin ice,
driving on bald tires, making snow angels after drinking
tequila—It’ll get you tossed right out of the gene pool.
You have to do math in winter. There’s an optimum speed
for any road conditions that will keep your car between
the ditches. Any faster keeps the wrecker’s kids in college funds.
If you don’t watch where you put your feet while also watching
what’s coming down the road, you’ll either break a hip or be
lost beneath a beer truck. It’s called situational awareness.
The right amount of snow shoveling allows your car to blast
out the drive onto the road. Miscalculate by 10% and you’re
a foot short of the pavement with all four tires off the ground.
And if you shovel too much too fast, there’s the cardiac arrest.
So, take your time and cultivate good relations with your neighbors.
If you do something stupid, they’ll help you out–laugh, but help.